This is a true phenomenon. We are amazing, beautiful, and magical creatures. And do we know that without the reflection of the love we are being in our beloved’s eyes? Could loving and being loved gift us more of ourselves? And when you know yourself, you will endlessly be loving you. In fact, is anything that you do not like about yourself true or a twisted point of view?
This leads me to a key that completely changed my marriage and my relationships with everyone, including myself. Acknowledgment. Acknowledgment is admitting what you know to be true. Acknowledgment is also phenomenal because when you admit what you know to be true, you immediately create more of whatever you are acknowledging.
We also see another phenomenon in acknowledging where we are struggling or stuck in our lives or relationships. The moment we stop avoiding looking at the issue, whatever it may be, and look at it honestly without judgment or emotion, but with acknowledgement of what is true, the stickiest, ickiest, heaviest, stinkiest shit that comes up, begins moving, changing, transforming, and often dissipating all together. This is the phenomenal power and possibility of knowing.
What you know is true, will always bring you a sense of lightness and wonder. If you are haunted by lies and judgments of others, you are sacrificing your freedom and happiness.
Ok, so if that suddenly brings up all of your feelings of wrongness, what if in this moment you quietly acknowledge to yourself where you are making yourself wrong? This is not a problem, but a possibility!
The other phenomenon in acknowledgment is that there is NO time limit. You can choose to acknowledge now or in a hundred years, and whenever you do choose to acknowledge, it will immediately change your life.
I encourage you to catch yourself when you are avoiding acknowledging what is happening in the moment. If you do not acknowledge something the first time, you might not be able to recognize it the second time. The longer we wait to admit to our knowing, the fuzzier and farther away it becomes.
This also means we must realize that we cannot escape what we know. Whatever comfort zone you might be creating by avoiding your awareness, will not stay comfortable for long. Just like a relationship, you can have a comfortable distance between you and your partner, but eventually, a relationship does not work if you are not willing to be intimately closer and closer. Just like your body, a relationship requires movement or it stops functioning.
Acknowledgment can take some getting used to. It is a bit tricky only because we have been so dynamically twisted against claiming and owning our knowledge. It can also be confused with positive judgement which is not what creates greater in our relationships or lives.
Take acknowledgment baby steps until it becomes natural. What choices have you made today? For example: I acknowledge that I woke up early to help my kids with their costumes for celebrity day at school. I cut my son’s hair even though we were short on time. I made sure they had full water bottles for class. I went for a walk before starting work on my laptop… I kissed my husband good morning… I went for another walk in the snow… I spoke to a clients on the phone…
These might seem like strange things to acknowledge but try it out and see what acknowledging even the smallest choices can create for you and your loved ones. If you do not acknowledge something or someone, it’s almost as if they don’t even exist! Imagine if your best friend spent the entire day with you and you never said hello? What would that create for your friendship? (psst… I am hinting that your body might be that friend)!
When you start taking baby acknowledgement steps, you will not only start receiving more of the beautiful life and relationship you already have, but you will also start receiving more of the gift you are being. Which is major. Most of us won’t realize the depth and brilliance we are.
No matter how long you have been married, or if you are going on a first date, begin practicing the art of acknowledgment. I keep a daily acknowledgment journal which varies from “I went for a long walk” to “I had a life changing discussion with someone.” Acknowledge it all! Acknowledge where your relationship is phenomenal! How are you different from other couples?
Recognize the gift your partner is being in your life. What is great about him or her that you have never acknowledged? You might think it is really obvious what they are contributing to your relationship and that they must know you appreciate that about them, but I am sure you will be surprised at the effect this might have in their world.
If you are willing to acknowledge what you receive from your partner, the next step would be to let them know, and begin flowing them gratitude. And I don’t mean just saying thank you when he brings you coffee. What is gratitude and why is it so powerful?
Gratitude is a phenomenon all on its own. Gratitude is an element that creates. It is one of the greatest mysteries of the universe. When you are present with your body and fill it with gratitude for the life that is possible with the gift of embodiment, you create your very own body down to the molecular level, and she will be different, she will look, feel, and function differently from the space of gratitude.
Gratitude is another element of intimacy as well as a key to a phenomenal relationship. If you are willing to acknowledge and share what you appreciate about each other you are choosing to grow as a couple. The more you are grateful, the more joy and possibilities are on their way. If you are struggling with your relationship today, even if it has been falling apart for years, start with where you are honestly grateful for what you have created with this person, where have they been a gift to your life? You can still choose to leave if you know the relationship is over, but how many relationships “end” or transform into something else, from the space of gratitude instead of the space of wrongness and separation?
Acknowledgment and gratitude are similar phenomena because they immediately cause movement, change and possibilities. They are not just nice words to say. They are also both steps toward receiving greater joy, greater money, greater LOVE!
Staying present in your relationship is also something that takes some practice, at least for me it is one of the greatest challenges but has a phenomenal impact on my relationship. This is where our comfort zones might come up, it is not always very comfortable to stay present and engaged with our partners. It takes vulnerability, which is another element of intimacy. It also takes kindness and might require you to relax, put the mute button on the list of things going through your head, absolutely refuse to interrupt your partner, look them in the eyes and Listen.
I have a listening problem. I am a terrible, absolutely horrible listener, not so much with my friends and clients, but yes with my husband and kids. Especially with my husband. Now, I have about five hundred million excuses and justifications for why this is, but none of them are true because listening is a choice. And even though I know I have to work on it, I am working on it without obsessive feelings of guilt or wrongness.
This brings me to my final phenomenal key for today, Choose to be happy, not right. Would you rather be right, or would you rather be free? Or would you rather be wrong? Happiness is a choice. Right and wrong are lies, they are also choices but what do lies create? More lies! If you prefer to fight for or against what you have decided is right and wrong and good and bad, I wish you the best of luck with that, but maybe a relationship is not for you.
If you choose to let go of the lies of judgment, choosing happiness is available to you. With no limitation. And from the space of happiness, what if you could create the space of love? What would that look like for you? What could you choose to create next, now and into the future from and as the space of loving? When we change from love to loving… it becomes an action, not a label or positive definition of love.
Thank you for joining me. I encourage you to discover your own keys! What would a phenomenal relationship look like for you?
