If you begin to value and acknowledge the gift of being you, here come the boys and girls who desire to be close to you, to see you sparkle, hear you laugh, and feel this pull and invitation to be more of themselves and acknowledge their value! What if you could inspire others to stop their desperate search for the right relationship and discover value in themselves they have never acknowledged before? What if, you trusting you, leads the way for the rest of us?
Truly valuing you beyond all of the positive and negative judgment you have received since you were conceived is going to require trust. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust that you know what works for you? Do you trust yourself with no defense or explanation? Do you trust that you are willing to lie? Do you trust that you suck at lying like me? Do you trust that you will most likely choose tomorrow who and what you chose today? Do you trust yourself to be the leader of your life and love life? Of your family and friends? Do you trust yourself with money? With food? Do you trust yourself to talk to your parents without looking for their approval?
Trust is key in intimacy. I do not mean trusting someone will never cheat or lie to you, but trusting what you know about them, that they will most likely choose tomorrow what they chose today. If they blame you for making them feel bad about something, trust that they will always look to blame you. If they leave the dishes for tomorrow, expect a sink of dirty dishes! If they like to spend money, trust that they will spend money even if you have a budget set. Now, we are still talking about dating you, but I want to point out how our relationships are led by the points of view we have about ourselves! It is very difficult to have a great relationship if you do not trust yourself. What do you know you can trust about you?
It will be more fun to date you if you trust you! And with that trust, you can start to consider the other keys to intimacy. Do you honor you? Honor is holding you in regard. Not something we are all taught to do, in fact, were you taught to always hold your mom’s judgments in regard? Or your dad’s fears?
As soon as possible, start enjoying the discovery of what it means to honor you! Is it going to bed early? Skipping a party? A day alone? Working with your headphones on? Saying yes? Saying no? And what if you holding you in regard included asking yourself questions in every moment, letting yourself change your mind and choose again? Would choosing greater and asking BIGGER be honoring of you? And where are you refusing or avoiding holding yourself in the highest regard?
When you know you are not honoring yourself but feeling confused about what you need to do to honor you, start with another essential key to true intimacy, that might be easier to access, gratitude! Not what should you be grateful for because others don’t have it, no, what are you truly grateful for with no doubt? Are you grateful for laughter? Pleasure? Art? Your dog? Watching tv after a long day? Whatever it is, acknowledge your gratitude and what if honoring you was simply choosing more of what you desire and enjoy!
Allowance comes into play here too and I love how all of these keys of intimacy work together. Do you allow yourself to desire whatever and whoever you desire? Do you allow yourself to be you without judgment or apology? Do you allow yourself to be grateful for the valuable gift you are in the world? Do you allow yourself to have sexual pleasure? Any pleasure? Allowance is choosing you with no wrongness and choosing to acknowledge what others are choosing without reacting against or aligning with their point of view. It’s knowing we all have very different points of view!
Which calls in our final key to intimacy for today, vulnerability. We know how much safer and easier it seems to avoid vulnerability completely, keeping our walls up around our hearts, money and bodies protected from the chaos of other people’s behavior. I had so many barriers and so much anxiety, so please know that you are not alone in keeping your walls up when you don’t know what else to do.
When I first asked myself if I would date me, and I told you I felt the ick, I see now that the ick is just the vulnerability it takes to lower my walls and look at the question! It’s not that I actually think I would be that terrible to date, it is that I have so many barriers up to being vulnerable with myself that there is a physical barrier in my guts that I am learning to let relax but I spent a lifetime building. What I know is that my walls and barriers are not protecting me from anything but my own greatness.
And, part of the ick, is that when we put up a barrier to receiving anything, we are locking in our fear of getting hurt so that we actually end up hurting ourselves, physically as well as emotionally, and… I am sorry to report that we are also blocking A LOT of pleasure, including the pleasure of all pleasure, being ourselves. And probably, the other pleasure of all physical pleasure, how much orgasmic joy are we avoiding?
What if you have nothing to avoid and nothing to defend!? Would you date you then? Happily? Would you keep your barriers down or completely destroy them, allowing yourself to choose greater than you ever thought possible? Imagine, having nothing to resist or avoid, defend or lose!
What if you trusted yourself to hold you in regard always, to lead the way, to have the best time dating yourself! Getting to know and discover what lights up your body and invites you to more pleasure and the joy only you can know?
Have the best day ever with you today! Let others join if they want to play! No judgment, no worries about who you might be disappointing, what if you keep choosing more for you and to be more of you no matter what?
