Would You Date You? How do you feel when I ask that question? I immediately had the sense that I would be a crazy nightmare of a nut to date and no, I probably wouldn’t date myself. And that got me thinking of all of these years of being told I needed to get to know myself and love myself and I am not sure I have a clue of what it’s actually like to date me but to be honest, in the moment, it gives me the ick and as my kids say cringe.
When I first asked myself this question, I was immediately aware of how wrong I try to make my husband. From day 1 of marriage, I don’t remember feeling he was so wrong before we got married, but as long as we have been married, much less now, I have been sure he was wrong about something and wished he made choices the way I would, or would see things from my point of view. This is how I know I must be annoying to be in a relationship with, no one likes feeling judged, even a little bit can ruin everything.
And yet, even after years of trying to control him with judgment and unkindness, my husband rarely makes me feel wrong about anything and as far as I know, has rarely if ever considers leaving the relationship. Sometimes, even when we are trying to sabotage our happiness by expecting the other person to change or suffer the consequences, they keep choosing us day after day, and I am truly grateful my husband didn’t let my judgments and expectations kill every possibility we had..
Part of the pain and challenge of every relationship is that you will be EXPOSED! If you avoid looking at yourself in the mirror, how painful is it to be seen by your lover? Youch. I know. I was there. You are not wrong for any of it! It’s ok. Whatever the pain, whatever the judgment, the humiliation, the lies… it’s okay and you are more than ok. Do not allow yourself to suffer for every choice you wish you had gotten right! Stop blaming yourself for every bad kiss, or painful break up, awkward moment, even the worst of it, ladies. Most of us have been there and we have your back. At least I do, and I know so many amazing women who do too.
We can be stronger without tearing each other down or apart. I have had many girls compete with me, befriend me, ditch me, lie to me, love me, leave me…. What are we doing? Is this about us? Is this about the boys? When are we going to have something different? The jealousy will destroy us if we let it, the boys don’t care if we get along or not. What are we avoiding creating together as women on the planet?
We can include the boys too! Nothing has to be separate. Do you really want another woman to fail so you can have a boyfriend? If she gets married you’re a loser? Or if she fails at her job you feel more successful? I am wondering if this is coming up because how we feel about other women might have something to do with how we feel about our fucking selves. Would you date you?
Have you ever really wondered about it and please, please, PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS IF YOU ARE ALREADY DETERMINED TO PROVE YOU ARE BAD AND WRONG! No judgment allowed for this hour please. You can make me wrong but please allow the possibility that you are not wrong about anything. What would it be like to actually date you? Would it be kind? Fun? Boring? Confusing? Complicated? Simple? Would dating you create more joy in the world? More orgasms? More pain?
Would you be willing to find out? If not, no problemo. It can be painful to acknowledge yourself. You do not have to. If yes, you can start to ask, I wonder what it would be like to be my lover? Or, my other? Or, date me? Whatever makes you a bit uncomfortable to look at. You could be great in bed, and maybe lacking in the kindness department. You could be sweet as sugar but avoid being touched. You could be great! You can also ask, I wonder, what gift am I that I never acknowledge? What would I see if I looked at myself through this person’s eyes? Or someone that truly adores me?
If you try to match people who are holding on to a fixed point of view about you, perhaps your parents think you are a good girl, or your friends would be shocked if you slept with someone on the first date, you will never, ever, ever be free or know much of anything about yourself. LET it the F go please! Are you trying to believe something about you that simply isn’t true? Remember what I said before, now and always, even if you know I am crazy and I am, you are not fucking wrong.
So, for the exceptionally brave and bold, those who dare to be wild and free, and GREAT, what can you acknowledge? Acknowledgment is one of my life changing, every day, must have, cannot live without, better than mascara, tool to change anything immediately. If you actually admitted what you know to yoursef, you wouldn’t have to tweep about it, you wouldn’t have to eat pray love about it, you wouldn’t have to fix a fucking thing about yourself, all you have to do is know what you know and choose more.
Why? Why do we have to admit that we are powerful, magical, infinitely mysterious beings, if we have a boy who gives us lots of attention? This is so mortifying but this morning I remembered all of the years when all I wanted in life was a boyfriend. Aye ay aye Maria. I was boy crazy and might still be a boy crazy girl, I will admit and now have absolutely no shame about it but believe me, I was convinced this was not cool and not ok from the time I was four years old. Literally as long as I can remember, I knew sexualness was wrong. I am hoping my kids skip that lesson completely.
We must acknowledge what we know because we are creating our lives, families, businesses, relationships, everything based on what we believe to be true. Whatever is here, is on us. Your life is your choice. PERIOD. Your life is also a GIFT. PERIOD. What else do you know? I know that my world is mine. I know that I can choose and everything moves, I know that I am the leader of my relationships and the leader of my life.
If you catch yourself saying, “I don’t know,” is that true? Or do you always know but usually want to avoid what you know? I feel like that is the story of my life, especially as a child, avoiding what I knew was true. Avoiding everyone’s judgments. Avoiding everyone’s desires. Avoiding my desires most of all. Which of course is never worth it, and not possible to continue avoiding forever! Sooner or later, you will have to look at what’s true. The more we try to avoid it, somewhere it waits for us, only getting louder or even painful in our bodies! What do you know?
Have you ever realized someone or something was causing you stress and you suddenly felt physically better? Is there something you are absolutely refusing to acknowledge? What’s great about you? What’s great about them? The super duper totally awesome thing about acknowledgment, is that whatever you acknowledge, you create more of it showing up! If you acknowledge that you are grateful that your partner is a gift in your life, the more they will show up for you, often with gifts or actions to show their appreciation for you because believe it or not they think you are a gift to them! Acknowledgement is a step toward receiving more.
What about you would you like to have more of? Do you desire to be happier with your body? Acknowledge everything you can do with your body! With a body, you feel the warmth of the sun, the touch of other bodies, to see the colors of the flowers and the sunset, the taste of salt and sugar, you can listen to music and dance, acknowledge what truly lights you up, and watch more possibilities for everything you love to show up often, louder and greater than any of your hopes, dreams and schemes.
And what one thing can you acknowledge you do like about yourself? Are you kind? Considerate? Caring? Talented? Creative? Anything, what if you started by acknowledging one thing today and then tomorrow acknowledge two more things about yourself? Keep practicing and start to notice what changes and who shows up in your life next! This is the opposite of stressing over the past and wishing you were different. How can you create a different future for yourself if you are looking to understand or punish yourself for the past? Turn toward the future you desire, acknowledge you, and fall for you! What if you had a crush on you!?
