Question #11 : Who does this belong to? Whenever you are in your gratitude space of happiness and something suddenly feels anything other than light, ease and joy, ask this bizarre and life changing question, who does this belong to? When you are with your lover and anything feels odd, off, icky… who does this belong to? (you can ask this in your head and it still works, not everyone is going to be willing to consider that every feeling/thought/emotion might not belong to them) Just asking it will start to clear whatever comes up to distract you from creating more.
Question 12 : How do you like to be touched? You don’t have to guess or assume how your lover’s body enjoys touch. Ask them to show you! Ugh, think of all the guys and girls trying to prove how good they are in bed with so much force and effort, when you could just ask! Not everyone likes to be touched the same way! NEWSFLASH! And not everyone wants to be touched the same way over and over again! So keep asking! How would you like to be touched today?
Question 13 Do you know how beautiful you are? This question is a gift from my lovely friend and someone who has given me several nuggets of wisdom on relationships and parenting, Sarah Grandinetti (and she also has a great podcast called The Being You Show). And Sarah asks her kids do you know how beautiful you are? And I love this question more and more because it is such an invitation to acknowledge yourself instead of judging yourself or being told you are beautiful. Asking this to your lover is both sweet and great for your love life because how often do we refuse to be close to each other when we do not feel we look good enough?
Question 14 Would you be willing to let go of everything our relationship was yesterday? Yesterday might have been the best day yet, but if you hold onto it as a reference point and try to repeat whatever your connection was yesterday, is it actually a limitation on today and tomorrow? Be grateful for yesterday and dare to have a totally different adventure with your lover today! The more you are willing to allow your relationship to shift, the more interesting and dynamic your future will be because you are not trying to relate to the past.
Question 15 What are your expectations of me? Oh boy, keep asking this one to yourself and your lover at least once out loud but many more times in your head, truth, what are their expectations of me? Expectations are subtle and often creep in out of nowhere. Don’t push your lover to explain where and why they have any expectations of you, just keep acknowledging them and choose accordingly. Never decide you have to fulfill someone’s expectations just because they have them!
Question 16 Are you ok with me choosing whatever I want as long as I am also honoring us? Oh boy! This can be a fun one! And this might also be another question you do not actually have to say out loud. I am guessing you know what your lover’s deal breakers are and when you are not holding them in regard. There is no way I could have sex with another guy and pretend I was honoring my husband. I often go out with friends or all by myself to hold me in regard, and if you are going to be together, you have to be willing to keep choosing for yourselves too, it’s not giving up everything or choosing everything around your relationship.
Question 17 What can we add to our relationship today? I love this one! It’s a lot like how much fun can we have today? I was just talking to a friend about this. We always want to be adding to our lives and relationships, not settling down in our precious comfort zones, keeping ourselves entertained or maintaining our relationship. What can we add to our life today? Brunch? Sex? A new house? A walk? Money? Joy? What else would be a gift to you both and nourish your bodies? What if by adding to your relationship, you were always making it greater?
Question 18 What points of view do you have about love? This is bound to be quite an interesting discussion to begin with your lover. Our points of view will change everything including who and what shows up next in our lives. Our points of view about love will most likely limit everything, or is your love language everything to you? I just realized a love language is nothing more than our point of view! Huh. It’s your point of view that acts of service means I love you . Or gifts. Or whatever the fuck, now I am super annoyed and facsincated at the same time. Which is also how I feel about men. Kidding not kidding.
Yes, so points of view are pretty important to acknowledge and then perhaps flip around and take another point of view, and then let that go for a minute and take another look at it. Is it ever the same if you are always shifting or expanding your point of view? So, again, what points of view do you have about love and relationships and what points of view do you want to have about love and relationships. And about you? Or your lover? How would you like to view it? Because whatever that is, that you can see, is what is on its way if you are willing to acknowledge your point of view.
If you see all men as cheating bastards, I am guessing you have been cheated on? Or your dad cheated? Is your partner at ease around you or do they have to prove their loyalty? Do you look for evidence that they cheat or want to cheat? Do you accuse them silently or openly? Or have you made men your heroes? Or the answer? And please remember that you are not wrong for having a point of view! Stop judging your thoughts as wrong! We were taught the wrong lessons. We are pretty much fed the idea that all men care about is sex from the time we are aware of sex. And some of them do mostly care about sex but what if that’s also just a point of view?
If you feel trapped by a point of view or freaked out by your lover’s point of view, acknowledge that no one is wrong here, take a deep breath and in your head or quietly, interesting point of view I have this point of view, interesting point of view, they have this point of view, interesting point of view, she has this point of view, interesting point of view, he has this point of view, interesting point of view, I have this point of view about their point of view, interesting point of view, he has this point of view about my point of view.. And see what you notice, is it harder to hold on to one point of view or let your point of view be interesting and always changing because you refuse to hold onto it?
Question 19 What do you desire? Ask this question every day! Maybe I can ask my husband to ask me this instead of what are you doing today? What do you desire and what does your body desire? What else is more important or more interesting? Or more fun? And your desires might be waiting for you to say hello and simply acknowledge they exist! What if your desires have a crush on you? Asking your partner what they desire will awaken their bodies and hearts, and invite them to consider that their desires are actual possibilities?
Question 20 Can we hit the reset button? If you find yourself in a conversation you know is leading toward a fight, or frustration is brewing, and if you are like me, it’s just boring and annoying to fight, and you are going to have to make up or break up later anyway, save you both and your love life the drama and ask to hit the reset button. My husband is usually relieved when I suggest this because he knows he is not happy if I am distant from him. By hitting the reset button, you are also ready to enjoy the possibilities that are available now that might disappear if you stop to fight.
That’s it! Whew! I thought I would run out of questions but there is always more. Keep asking, what brilliant questions can I ask today to create the love life I desire right away? Happy Love Life!
