I titled this class 10 questions to light up your love life instead of tips or tools to light up your love life, because asking questions is the way to light up, or lighten up or sparkle up not only your relationships, but everything you love in life! If you are feeling heavy, confused, sick and tired of it all, what questions can you ask yourself to gain clarity?
My favorite question is what else is possible? If those heavy shitty feelings were not here, what would I replace them with, if I could choose something else? What else is possible? Now, even as I say that question out loud, I feel different right away. It is not something that can easily be explained, but notice how you feel, for just a moment, think about someone or something that is upsetting you or you feel that heaviness, it can be about the past or present, anything, and ask, what else is possible? If this wasn’t true, what else is possible? What else is possible about this that I have never thought was possible? Does that feel different to you now? Or is it heavier? If you ask this question in every single situation, it invites you to let go of whatever is dragging you down, and lighten up your life.
What else is possible for your relationship? Your friendships? Your family ships? Your body? Your happiness? You can ask your partner what else is possible but try not to react, or hold onto any of their answers too tightly. See what changes, and then keep asking, what else is possible? Even if everything you ever desired to show up shows up tomorrow, what if you asked for more? And you do not have to say it out loud for it to work! You can say what else is possible in your head and you are still asking it loudly to the universe.
And in a very close second to my all time favorite question is how does it get any better than this? DELICIOUS! How does it get any better than this? This question is brilliant and I ask it all day, every day, out loud, in my head, singing in the shower, to my kids, to my husband, to my barista…. If you want to have the time of your fucking life, give a whole day to asking HOW DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS? It is a lot like WHAT ELSE IS POSSIBLE so don’t hesitate to say them back to back and you will be amazed at what starts to show up, often as quickly as you ask the question.
Question # 3 to light up your love life, how much fun can we have today? I ask this to my kids every single morning and they always say “a lot MOM…” If you would like your lovelife and any of your relationships to be lighter, what if you asked for more fun? You can even ask this when things are difficult, like you have to work on taxes or talk about the budget, asking “how much fun can we have” changes your point of view that working on taxes or talking about money is a pain in the ass and you will suddenly think of a way to make it fun. Like making cocktails or ordering a treat for dinner, turn it into a date night, if you are light and fun around dealing with money, what does that do for your partner? And what could it do for your financial freedom? If money is just a pain in the ass and bills and taxes suck, are you ever going to have fun taking care of your finances?
Question # 4 Am I willing to let go of everything this relationship means to me? OOF! That’s a BIG one! And it sounds very serious after the last question. I know this question goes against everything we are taught about building relationships. We are used to analyzing every inch of our relationship and making it strong and very deeply significant and meaningful. What do we make more meaningful than relationships? Maybe money, but I think relationships have money beat because most people want money to have more fun/success in their relationships. So, what does your relationship mean to you? And are you actually willing to let that go? Are you willing to let even some of that go? And it’s okay if you are not, but if you are convincing yourself that your relationship means you are secure, or it means you are loved, or successful, are you actually limiting what the relationship could be? Are you also assuming that what your relationship means to you, matches what it means to your enjoyable other? Ouch. I know that brutal realization that came crashing down on me in college. You can’t force or even really share a relationship that is going to mean the same thing to both of you. So, what if it doesn’t have to mean anything but you can still value each other and the relationship?
How many relationships end because we assume we need to mean the same thing to each other? We assume love means the same thing, and how many definitions of love are out there? What if you didn’t have to be on the same page and agree to the exact same definitions of love to enjoy your relationship? When I realized how significant I made my group of friends in college, I was heartbroken to realize that our relationships and memories and years together as friends did not exactly match each other’s. But I see now that I assumed I meant less to them than they did to me, which is absolutely not true, it was just different!
Definitions are limitations because once you have defined something, you filter everything through that specific definition and then if someone or something doesn’t match your definition, you automatically reject them. Definitions set us up with expectations and projections of others, without a hint of consideration that others might have different points of view and often entirely different definitions than we do. Definitions are solid, unmoving. And not a friend to you or your relationships. Relationships have to move, just like your body has to move, in order to be stronger! So, I encourage you to look at what are your definitions of love and relationships so you can start considering if those are actually true for you or someone else.
