I wonder how different relationships would be if we acknowledged we are the ones creating our relationships based on our points of view and the choices we make? I am guessing there would be 99% fewer traditional relationships because those are all created by a few very limiting ideas and a need to be like other people or we are going to have some major fomo. But what are we actually missing out on? For the most part, a bunch of unhappy people trying to get their lives and relationships right, or who are in their comfort zone but slowly killing their relationships.
So the thing about choice is that you have to keep choosing! It is a LIE that is perhaps mostly unspoken but definitely relevant, that we commit to a relationship and are then free from choosing or not choosing our partner/enjoyable other every day, we are in the relationship right? So we are committed to each other and no one else now and forever amen. Let’s literally never talk about changing anything about our relationship unless its a problem to fix then lets only talk about that. Then we can relax. And be comfortable.
Okay, so do comfortable relationships create orgasmic delight, unexpected magical adventures, unbearable lightness, delicious pleasure in every molecule of your body? Does a comfortable relationship create a million dollars? Could a comfortable relationship become a powerful and wild creationship that builds something on earth that contributes to millions of people? Could you perceive with me for a moment, what the earth would receive, if more happy lovers were dancing upon her? Beware of the all too tempting comfortable relationships! What are they creating and destroying?
And as we begin to acknowledge that we are the ones creating our relationships and our lives with our choices, and we see what else is possible beyond even the most comfortable relationship, continuously choosing becomes our path out of the comfort zone and into the joy of choosing in ten second increments and learning how to receive whatever shows up.
That’s a whole nother ball game, learning to receive what shows up but it is essential to begin practicing receiving so you can further crawl out of the land of relationship lies. Receiving is very simple and yet so simple that it is difficult to even use words because receiving is something that bypasses our logical minds. A flower soaking in the sunshine, air, water, bugs, wind, admiration… is receiving. That image is the closest I can come to a definition of receiving and I really encourage you to not headtrip or worry about the words to describe it, but just acknowledge to yourself what you know about receiving by asking, truth what do I know about receiving that I have never acknowledged?
When we are receiving in our relationships, we are keeping our barriers down, those walls we put up to protect ourselves, we keep our eyes open, we look at the choices we make but also the choices our lover makes, and we choose to not allow ourselves to judge any of the choices as right, wrong, good or bad, and then we ask ourselves questions and continue to choose whatever works best for us, and is most honoring of ourselves, while trusting 100% that your beloved or enjoyable other or boyfriend whatever will choose whatever they will choose. This is also called allowance.
And just in this example of receiving, I have touched on some of the keys to true intimacy, trust, honor, vulnerability and now allowance which is such a gift not only to your relationship and partner but also to you! And very similar to receiving, like the flower again, it has allowance for the harsh wind, it never stops receiving from sun even when clouds get in the way, and what if you could continuously receive from your partner even when he or she does something you do not expect or even like?
Now this allowance and receiving stuff is going to go against another majorly stupid lie we buy about relationships. Strong relationships are built by telling the truth, sharing everything and staying positive. Relationships also require hard work and sacrifice. We are taught from many sources how important it is to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help us God. It is exhausting just thinking about the commitment to telling the truth to our partner and being brutally honest no matter what.
Brutal honesty is not really honesty, it’s sharing your point of view. Which isn’t even relevant! I know this also sounds crazy but keep the brutal honesty for yourself because that alone will take your whole life to face, and trust that your loved ones know what is true for them. We don’t actually share THE TRUTH! Everything we see as truth is based on our points of views or our parents, our school’s, our preacher’s…. You can only know what is true for you when you are willing to look at every single point of view or “truth” that comes out of your mouth or swims in you head, and use the actual word: TRUTH, is true for ME? Me? What is true for me? Truth? Me?
As you ask this question, you will have several points of view and judgments come up in your mind. You can ask who does this belong to? And again, truth, what is true for me? Me? You are going to be surprised with how many things you have always believed in never belonged to you in the first place.
And sharing your feelings, thoughts, emotions and stories will not bring you closer to your partner! It might feel like a way to connect or fill the silence, but is it actually creating more loving relationships? What about lusting after the mystery of not knowing every story and thought that crosses their mind? What if you connected through touch instead of talking? How much pleasure could you discover listening to the sound of each other’s breath?
Whatever it takes, stop talking and listen more. Talking is often lying. Asking questions while staying present and continuing to listen will create that closeness you are looking for when you share. Touching more is also essential to being close, not just sexually but that too. Sexual happiness and pleasure are not one of the lies we buy, it’s not everything and should likely be turned up more in every relationship, and is essential for a relationship to thrive.
The last lie I would like to bust tonight is that relationships are required to be successful. We are sold this crock from everyone and everywhere. Even the people who love us the most tell us they pray we will find our soulmate. No matter the caring behind the judgment, wishing someone was in a committed relationship is a judgment that something is wrong with being alone.
Many brilliant and happy people do not choose to share their brilliance with one romantic partner. It is irrelevant to having a successful and happy life, and anyone who chooses to get married or have a relationship to prove their success, will ultimately fail in love. If you choose to prove, do you really have whatever it is you are proving? I have a friend who loves posting on Instagram and used to post pics of her and her fiance on all sorts of adventures. On social media, she had proof of the life she had judged to be successful, but offline, her fiance was an abusive jerk who kicked her out of the house more than once.
I could never convince her that having him was worse than being alone because she is committed to the idea that she will not be successful without being married. And I wish I could convince all of the women who are waiting on husbands to ask themselves if they really desire one and whose idea of success are they buying as real and true? We all know the divorce rates and how rare it is to find truly happy relationships. But we also know that most people desire them!
What if you allowed yourself to desire whatever you desire? Whoever you desire? And if you desire a “successful relationship,” what would that be like? Do you know? And why are we pretending not to know what and who we desire? What if you refused to EVER reason and justify your desires? What if you chose for pleasure and not for fitting in? What if you could receive all of the judgment you are going to get no matter what you choose, regardless of your relationship status, like the flower receives the rain? And still be the beautiful flower that always reaches for the sun?
And when your enjoyable other does come along, what if you remembered to keep choosing whatever and whoever makes you happy and adds to your life, not the perfect camera ready face to help you fit in?
