I know that even thinking about money let alone talking about it can bring up a lot of stress and anxiety. So my very first tip is to breathe through that stress and stay present, because when we avoid looking at money, we are unintentionally telling money to fuck off.
What if you refuse to avoid money? Whenever you avoid anything, you are not free. If you have stress with money, does throwing away your bills make you feel better? I know those moments of panic, What if there was a big bill I forgot to pay? What if the money is low? My husband probably spent a lot at the store… oh no!” When we go into that doubt, fear, and anxiety, we are actually making our financial problems more difficult, and we are pushing money away from us.
You are strong enough to face whatever is going on in your life, including your debt, including your wealth. Acknowledging what is true, even if it makes you feel like shit, or even if it makes you feel fantastic, will immediately allow you to start moving toward where you would like to be, financially and beyond.
Acknowledgment is one of my favorite things because it can change everything, and I have seen my relationship to my husband as well as my relationship with money completely change and totally expand when I admitted what was true. That is all acknowledgement is, admitting what you know is true for you. It’s not judgement, which is really the opposite of truth. It’s not admitting how bad and irresponsible you are with money or deciding your partner is wrong for spending money.
Can you feel the weight of the millions of relationships that are being crushed by refusing to acknowledge whatever is going on? As if we have decided that if we acknowledge the truth, we will break up or die of a broken heart, instead of at last having the freedom to choose something different, or greater! It’s no secret that marriages crumble and many people end relationships over financial stress, and often there is at least one partner who won’t talk about financial issues. For now, this is just about you, don’t go into trying to figure out what your partner is going through.
Whatever it takes, commit to acknowledging your finances, your money flows, your income, your expenses, and include what you would like to have in the future, like a new car or trip to Spain, nicer restaurants, good wine at dinner, etc, do it, even if your partner doesn’t want to talk about it yet. Getting totally clear with how and when money comes into your life and where it goes, prepares you to have more money and create the life you truly desire. Think of it as step 1.
Even saying hello is an acknowledgement that creates magic! Have you ever been at a party when no one said anything to you? Have you ever been at a party when a total stranger said hello? I know it sounds silly, but start saying hello to money! You can say hello to your jar of change in the kitchen, to your bank account, to the cash in your wallet, your credit cards, even say hello to your bills! See how your feelings and energy towards money begins to shift. How many relationships start with one person saying hello?!
Also, while you are on the acknowledgment train, acknowledge that money is not just money in the bank or cash & credit limits. That kind of money is something that we invented. Money is much more than that. Money is an energy, just like you are an energetic being. You have a body, but you take up a much bigger space than your body. Money is also much bigger than fat stacks of cash or a pile of gold, and is available to us if we choose to ask for more to show up.
Just like in a relationship! Have you ever felt your partner was not around as much as you would like him/her to be? Have you ever asked them to show up more and they did? That’s it. The magic of acknowledgment. Even if all you took from today was to start acknowledging money, your money will grow! When you acknowledge your partner, your relationship expands!
Once you know where you are financially, you have a foundation to begin thriving. Even if you owe someone money or your husband hasn’t slowed down on the amazon orders, you have a place to begin looking at what you would like to have as your financial future, and what steps are required to take first.
This can start the sense of overwhelm and anxiety again, because the future is also something we may avoid or dread thinking about. Keep breathing and ask your barriers to go down. “Barriers down, barriers down, barriers down.” Our barriers are energetic, kind of like putting up a wall between our emotions and things outside of us like money and relationships. They are usually not your friend, once in a while they might be necessary, but if you are constantly putting up barriers to protect yourself, you are also protecting yourself from too much money to come, you are not choosing to be greater, stronger, and rich AF.
Are you willing to look at the future you truly desire to create? It really should be thrilling, and if you are willing to know what is true for you, it will be! This is where a lot of us begin to doubt or hide behind our relationships or finances. I find myself doing this too. I would love to have a new house but my husband will say we should wait, or it’s going to take too much money to live in the neighborhood I would really like to live in, etc.
Blah, blah, blah… these thoughts take over and instead of letting them go, I give them all of my attention and time. One of the most life changing things I have ever discovered is that those thoughts and feelings that ignite doubt, regret, fear, jealousy, guilt, you know all the really shitty ones, are distractions. We stop ourselves from choosing what we know is possible, and decide we must give our attention to whatever is distracting us, just because it seems loud and important all of a sudden!
A few great questions to ask in those moments when suddenly you feel guilty or afraid, are : Am I distracting myself with this? Is any of this relevant? Don’t worry about why you are distracted and especially refuse to make yourself wrong when you do get distracted for a few minutes or even a few years! You can always choose again!
The real thing I desire is a very nice, very fast car. I have actually desired this for about two years. Instead of acknowledging my desire or asking for it, I keep it for a future -maybe-someday when I have a lot more money and don’t have to ask my husband… so silly. It’s silly because my husband loves cars. He also loves saying yes. He can also afford it. Whatever reasons I make up in my head to distract myself from choosing whatever I desire now, are complete lies. But we have to remember that we are choosing! New cars and trips around the world do not just happen, we choose. We can choose to ask for anything.
So what is it that you know you desire, you know you can choose, you know will expand your life, that you are ready to acknowledge and ask for? When you look at those desires, do they light you up with joy? Or are they just ok, enough to be comfortable? It doesn’t really matter what you desire, not everyone wants a handsome husband and a big house. But if you are not asking for something big and life changing to show up, what does show up might not be enough for you. Is what has been showing up enough for you?
It’s ok if it’s not enough! You’re not bad! You’re not wrong! Yes, life is amazing and we should be much more grateful for everything, and that does not mean we should not ask for more! We are taught from a young age not to ask for too much, not to be too much. What if you missed that day in school?
This is where we can have a lot of fun discovering how big we desire our lives to be. Are you looking to the future or living paycheck to paycheck? How much wealth and luxury would you like to create? Are you willing to have a lot of money to travel all over the world on different adventures? What really lights you up? And what if it doesn’t look like what anyone else is choosing?
I see a lot of women in LA trying to be famous for being famous, like Kim Kardashian. They assume that being like her must be as good as it gets because she has so much wealth just taking pictures and endorsing products. They take selfies and hope their followers will give them lots of positive attention, proving how valuable and beautiful they are so they too can live in a big fancy house and have designer clothes. But is that really enough for you? And what is so far beyond the stereotypical fantasy of being successful in this world?
It’s totally great to be inspired by Kim Karashian or anyone else, but what if what you see others accomplishing reminds you of your own greatness and what choices are available to you? And yes, if Kim Kardashian can choose to be famous and take all of the judgment that goes with it, what can you choose? What else is possible? And then ask BIGGER!
We have to ask big because the universe is big! What’s that got to do with it? You are also a BIG part of this big universe. We are not here to live chillaxed comfy little lives as cute little humans. And the universe is so massive and has so much to give us that it is actually easier for the universe to make Kim Kardashian a global obsession and a billion dollars than it is for it to make sure you have $100 in your bank account. By nature, its big and delivers beyond what we are usually ready to receive.
And when I say the universe, that includes you. In fact, what if as long as you were choosing, the entire universe followed your lead in having your back? What if you were asking the Y-O-U-niverse? If you knew that you only had to ask yourself, would you ask for more? Even when you ask for a greater relationship, what could show up if you were willing to go beyond your comfort zone and ask for greatness to show up in a body that likes your body?
