Question #5 is Truth, do I actually desire a relationship? We start with the word truth, because we have spent many years assuming that we are supposed to desire relationships. Of course you desire one. So, is that true? Truth, do you actually desire a relationship? What is true for you? You can ask, ME, what is true for me? ME? ME? What is true for ME?
And this question is such a gift because we are so bombarded with other people’s judgments and opinions and feelings and points of view, and they all feel so real that we make them relevant. Becoming totally distracted trying to handle the world’s emotions that we never have great relationships because we are too busy fixing ourselves.
Question #6 What have I decided needs to be fixed about me or my partner? Does fixing yourself work? Are you fixed yet? Or can you fix something that is not yours? I am happy to break the news to you that you have nothing to fix about yourself. If you are a Ted Lasso fan, I am sure you were as infuriated as I am when Rebecca ends her smoking hot romance with Sam so she can figure out why she is fucked up about the past. If you haven’t seen it please do so we can talk about it more. Just kidding. But it really breaks my heart that so many women think they have something so wrong about themselves that they need to make right so they will prove that they deserve a relationship. When there are amazing people they could be playing with right outside the door.
You are not wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are wrong is the biggest lie we buy that kills most of us. One lie to die for. I am wrong.
Question # 7: if I am not wrong, and can never be right, what would I choose? This question will free you from the lies that there is anything wrong or anything you need to get right. You don’t deserve love. You get to choose it! You get to choose to love and be loved, but not because you are a good girl who deserves it. Just because you get to! Now I know a lot of people and entire religions disagree with and nothing is more important than being good and not bad, right and not wrong…. And if that is your commitment, then you are not going to be able to use any of these questions effectively because there is simply no room for questions or anything light and loving in judgement. So question # 8: Would you rather be right or would you rather be free?
If you are over the lies of right and wrong, like you are over that bad break up, welcome to a much lighter love-life! Instantly! And now you can start having a lot of fun asking Question # 9: What would a great relationship for me look like? Feel like? Taste like? BE LIKE? What would it be like? Oh, this is such a yummy question, what would it BE like… to have someone to laugh and cry with? What would it BE like, to have someone who loves to surprise me with gifts? What would it BE like to have better sex than I have ever had before? What would it be like to never feel the need to run away from myself or my lover? What would an unbearably light and fun romance be like? What would I be like?
While you begin to discover what a great relationship would be like for YOU, you also will have more ease being honest with yourself about what you truly desire. This is CRUCIAL. Knowing what is true for you. Question # 10: What is vital to my happiness? We can spend years and lifetimes trying in vain to make others happy. As soon as possible, we must acknowledge what is vital for our happiness if we do not want our futures to be washed away. You can spare yourself so much grief and disappoint me if you are clear from the beginning of a relationship what you require and desire. This comes after you stop making yourself right or wrong because if you are going to judge your desires then you are not willing to have them show up. However, if you are willing to let go of getting your life or relationships right and never be wrong, and you choose to acknowledge your true desires and what is vital to your happiness, you are going to have a life of abundance and joy beyond anything you can imagine. What if YOU are beyond anything you can imagine?
Which brings me to our bonus question: What have you decided you need a relationship for? Do you need a relationship to be happy? To be successful? To be ok? To be secure? To be normal? To be positively judged? To fit in? To avoid being alone? Keep asking, what have I decided I need a relationship for? And then use TRUTH? Because what if you discover that everything you think you need, you don’t?
What would it take to be needless? Because even if you don’t think you need anything from a relationship, if you believe you need anything, you are going to choose based on those needs and that sets HUGE limitations on what can show up in your life because you are shopping at the needs department instead of the pleasure department. And is whatever you decided you need, actually something your body requires to live?
Yay, I wasn’t actually planning to talk about bodies but they might have something to do with our love lives!. Our bodies are the ones that require air and water, sunlight and warmth. If you are denying your body what she requires and desires, can you have a light and happy, hot and steamy, fun and sweet lovelife? If you feel heavy, achey, or just feel disconnected from your body, what information is she giving you? Could our bodies let us know when someone is not going to be kind to us? Could our bodies know if having sex with someone is going to cause us harm? Or get us pregnant? What does your body know and what lights her up with joy?
