It can often seem confusing because we know what everybody else expects and judges successful relationships to be and we get caught up in trying to please others in hopes that we are chosen to be someone’s special someone. But is this working?
You are the only one who knows if your relationship is over or just getting started because you are the only one who knows what is true for you.
What if you were crystal clear on what you desire, starting with asking questions? Here are some great questions ask when you are seeking clarity if your relationship is over or just getting started:
- Truth? What’s true for me? When you say: “Truth” as you ask questions or listen to others, you will know when something is a lie. (You can also say this in your head when someone is talking to you and you will know if they are lying.) And you ask “what is true for ME?
- Truth, do I desire a relationship?
- Yes or no? Which is lighter?
- Regardless if the answer is yes or no, the next question is Truth, who does this belong to?
- Is it mine? Yes or no?
- If yes, again, in these ten seconds is this true for me that I desire a relationship?
- Every ten seconds you can choose something different, even in relationships! Choosing every ten seconds allows everything to keep moving and changing.
- Have I decided that I need a relationship?
- Am I willing to let go of everything this relationship was yesterday?
- What else is possible today?
- Truth, is this relationship working for me?
- Truth, if I continue to choose this relationship in these next ten seconds, will it create the future I desire? Or decay the future I desire?
- What would a great relationship look like for me?
- What am I willing to choose and willing to receive?
- What does love mean to me?
- What does this person mean to me?
- What do I mean to them?
- How does it get any better than this? This question is MAGICAL. When you ask how it gets better without any specific conclusion, BETTER shows up!
- How many definitions do I have about love? Would I be willing to let all of them go now?
- Truth, am I creating what I would like to create with this person?
- Are we done creating together?
- If our relationship from yesterday was totally gone, what would I choose today?
- If we continue our relationship, am I going to be free to do whatever I desire?
- Am I willing to be in total allowance of whatever they desire?
- Is the sex great?
- Will they be grateful?
- What five things would they have to change for me to desire to be in a relationship with them?
- What is true for ME?
And then here are questions you can ask your partner, remember to say TRUTH in your head as they respond: (explain truth)
- What would an ideal relationship be like for you?
- What are your expectations of me if we choose to continue our relationship?
- What is vital for you in your relationships?
- What are your deal breakers?
- What do you require so that you feel cared for and honored in our relationship?
- What does this relationship mean to you?
- If our relationship wasn’t about re-creating the past, what future would you like to create if we could choose anything?
- What is your definition of love?
- How do you know when you are being loved?
- Are there things you are hoping I will change one day so our relationship can thrive? What are five things I would have to change for a relationship with me to work for you?
- How does it get any better than this?
- What would you like to create together now or do you feel like we are done creating?
I know these are a lot of questions, and questions are incredibly important tools to change anything. Questions can also lead you to trusting what you know. You always know, even when you do not want to admit or even look at it, you always know what is true for you! What if instead of never giving up on a relationship or never giving up a man, you never gave up on your knowing and never gave up on having a greater life for yourself? When you catch yourself saying or thinking, or believing, “I don’t know,” stop and ask, “what do I know here? What is true for me? What am I aware of? What is this?”
You can ask your partner and yourself questions but you can also listen to your knowing and choose in ten seconds with no explanation or slowing yourself down until your partner understands your every intention and choice. What if you let them choose to keep up with you? What if you let them choose for themselves?
It is crucial that when you ask these questions, you are not including ANY judgment against you or your partner. Judgement kills all joy and all possibilities. Are you judging your relationship because you have decided it needs to be fixed? My advice is never try and fix your relationship or your partner, because guess what?, there is nothing to fix!
Huh? What? How can she say there is nothing to fix? I know I sound crazy, and I am crazy different but so you are you, and what if that is ok? When I say there is nothing wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship, how much of what you have decided is wrong, is just different? Perhaps even a strongness instead of a wrongness?
And when you fail fixing someone or something else, you decide you must fix yourself and that is where many women spend many years, fixing themselves to be deserving of a relationship that won’t need fixing. We are not here to fix ourselves, we are here to be ourselves and have everything we desire.
Whether your relationship is over or is just getting started, are you willing to lose everyone and everything to have all of you?
Now, that being said, there are some telltale signs that your relationship might be over or not worth continuing:
- You would rather be right than be free.
- You do not enjoy physical intimacy or receive pleasure from touch.
- You have concluded you need a relationship.
- You are staying because you feel sorry for your partner. (concluding they need you).
- You are planning to leave in the future.
- You would make more money & have a more joyful & abundant life without them. This doesn’t mean they have to have or make a lot of money, but you create a life you love without holding back.
- You do not trust your partner to be ok without you.
