Another sign that you have a keeper is they are willing to break the gender norms/rules. I am so grateful my husband goes grocery shopping, cooks most of our meals, does the dishes and stayed home with the kids when I started my first business. We never sat down and planned who would do what, we never officially divided the household chores or make sure that we have fair and equal roles. I know that does work for some couples, but you can also adjust and change who does what in the moment, would that actually create more ease and joy in your relationship? Sometimes I drive the kids to school so I can spend more time with them even though he usually takes them to the bus stop in the morning. I don’t deny myself what will bring me joy or create more for the kids by sticking to the rules and keeping things fair.
Nothing is fair in love! You are going to take more than you give sometimes. You are going to rip each other’s hearts out once in a while. You are going to feel like you are suddenly on opposite teams. Love is rarely easy. Who are you willing to suffer for? Who is showing up to be a gift to your life regardless of how tough times may be? And now more than ever, our relationships have gone through some major challenges during the pandemic. How much have you had to deal with around how to best take care of yourselves?
Love isn’t easy or comfortable, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it! The best gift you can give yourself, your relationship and your partner, is gratitude and acknowledgement. Say it out loud. One of my major failures for years was assuming my husband knew how much he contributed to my happiness. It was so obvious to me, I thought he got it and that saying I love you was enough for him to feel truly appreciated. Say it all! My life is greater because you… show up for me, remind me to take care of myself, make me dinner, are so generous…. Say it all and add your sincere gratitude.
It’s also not all about you! If your partner is there to support you and create an awesome life together, is also choosing some things that are just for them? For a relationship to be happy and growing stronger, both people must be doing what they love to do and they must also both know the life they truly desire to live. If one person is just along for the ride, including just along for the sex, the relationship will ultimately fail. I don’t know why this is true but my husband completely agrees that you have to know what you want for your life if you are going to have a great relationship.
So the final sign that they’re a keeper, is they spend time doing things they loves besides having great sex with you (but that too). The more each of us fills our own cup with everything we are here to be, experience and enjoy, the more a relationship worth choosing every day will be possible. We seem to have it pretty backwards, most of us think we need to stick to a routine to make sure we hold onto our relationship, or we like tricking ourselves into thinking we desire a comfortable relationship? Ooh, that’s a tricky one for sure. The temptation to settle into our comfort zones. Do you find yourself there sometimes?
Me too. Sometimes I want to plan date nights on the same day each week, and have family movie night, and a regular job with a regular paycheck, and to know what to expect…. But maybe that has been one of the gifts of the pandemic is I stopped pretending I was comfortable in my comfort zone. We have had to learn to choose and choose again as the world changes around us. It isn’t always easy, and that has to be okay. As you may have discovered during quarantine life, comfortable relationships are boring! Do you really desire a comfortable sex life?
Yes, the final sign I will share to know you are with a keeper is the sex is great and is gets greater! Physical pleasure, lust, and sex are crucial for a happy body and life. Your relationship includes two bodies! Don’t forget about them. In fact, what if you let your body lead the way once in a while. If you cringe when he kisses you, maybe your body does not desire to be kissed by that body! If you hate having sex or avoid it, what information is your body giving you? Are you paying attention to who and what your body enjoys to touch and be touched by?
Your body is much more trustworthy than your mind has led you to believe. Not only your mind, but probably your mama too and pretty much every religion and even in school, we learn to judge, control and ignore our bodies. Your body knows what she or he desires, your body also knows who will be the most fun in bed, who will be the greatest contribution to your life, who is going to give you the greatest orgasm of your life, who will get you pregnant, who has an std, what if your body knows everything?
What would a relationship be like if bodies were leading the way? Begin to ask questions to your body and watch everything in your life show up with more pleasure and ease! You can ask your body: who would you like to go home with? What would you like to wear today? What do you desire to eat? What would create the most for us? Body, will you show me what you desire to create with me?
Once you begin to ask your body questions and listen to how your body responds, if you dare, follow the pleasure and follow what is fun for you and your body! Dancing like a fool, swimming in the ocean, running as fast as you can, having sex, making out…. Play all day and see who can keep up with you! Acknowledge the signs you are a keeper too!
