True kindness is honoring yourself and your partner. Tip #6 Are you kind to each other? Do you consider each other when you are making plans? Do you consider yourself when making plans with your partner? It is very easy to make choices that you feel are best for the relationship, or would make your partner happy, we often think we can’t have everyone be happy.
and this can be tricky with friendship, at least it was for me because I was so focused on making my friends happy so I could be close to them. Are you like that and is it working for you? It sort of worked for me but at some point I had to include being kind to myself beyond having friends.
One of the most remarkable things I have discovered, starting with moving my family to Los Angeles, is that when I choose greater for myself, and toward what I truly desire, more shows up for everyone. Even if there doesn’t seem to be an obvious connection between your desires, the moment you choose, more is available for those you are closest to. I thought we were moving to Los Angeles for me, because I thought it would be a good place to start my business but really just because I love it. The day after we moved I drove down my first LA freeway and toured what has become a dream school for my kids. My husband’s business has grown and we have wonderful friends here. If you are kind enough to choose more for you, you never leave anyone out or let anyone down. Unless they are not your friends.
Tip # 7 Never stop flirting! How much fun is it to flirt with someone you like?! I love the energy of flirting and having that playful sexualness filling your body. We tend to stop flirting once we are in relationships but what if it was something we turned up instead of off? My husband and I often joke that we have crushes on each other or call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but we also find ourselves having the most fun flirting even though we have been married for a minute or two.
When you are having fun and flirting, you are free from needing anything or having to control your partner. You are also free from expectations, which is where tip # 8 comes in, letting go of all of your expectations if you would like your friendship to grow stronger. Where did you pick up those expectations of yours, that love is supposed to be a certain way? Expectations are difficult to fulfill and ultimately a huge limitation on your happiness. If you think your expectations are justified and obvious, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed.
No one has the exact same point of view, we are all different and wherever you picked up your expectations, the rest of us bought our at a different shop and they don’t match. And do you really want someone who matches your expectations or blows your hair back and knocks your socks off? Dare to let go of every expectation and just wait and see what shows up that is SO much better than anything you thought possible.
Instead of trying to find someone who matches your judgments and expectations, which reminds me, whose judgments and expectations are you trying to match, but what if instead you looked for someone who is going to have your back? You don’t have to have someone who is just like you or always says the right thing, but if your partner doesn’t have your back and your best interest at heart, what are you doing? How can that be enough for you?
Do you have your own back? Your relationships will tell you so. We are so scared to get hurt but aren’t willing to have our own fu**ing backs! This is one of the most shocking things we have made normal around the world. We look for our prince, our hot firefighter, our hero, and guys look for their dream girl, the perfect wife, someone to love us, but we dread being hurt and getting our heart broken. And we refuse to have our own backs even though if we were willing to have our own backs, we would be irresistible to our partner who would take our lead and know how to show up for us.
Remember how you learned to make friends? Was it by being needy and pathetic? Or vulnerable, kind and confident? Whatever it takes, whatever you have to acknowledge, whatever lies you have to stop telling yourself, have your own back and learn what it means to honor yourself. Are you nurturing your body? What does she or he require to be well? Are you choosing to spend time on what makes you happy? Are you prioritizing you in any area of your life?
How much of your own life are you avoiding? Including in your relationship? I know this isn’t the easiest to look at, I catch myself avoiding what I could be choosing too. Let’s try not to make ourselves wrong shall we? That’s probably why we started avoiding ourselves in the first place, we are ultimately avoiding feeling wrong. What’s extra frustrating is that when we feel wrong about ourselves, we are loudly announcing it to everyone else, even if we are not saying a word.
What if whatever you are avoiding about yourself, is something that is wonderful or even beautiful? What if there was nothing about you that needed to be hidden? Would you be willing to find out what’s great about you? When you feel wrong, ask if I wasn’t wrong, what is great about me that I am not seeing? The more you acknowledge that nothing is wrong, everything will be easier.
And if there is nothing wrong with you, what if there is also nothing wrong with your beloved either? Instead of waiting for them to change or fix their problems, choosing to stop judging them will invite them to stop making themselves wrong. Without having to be right or wrong, we have space to have more fun, and choose whatever is valuable to us. You have nothing you need to avoid, nothing that is greater than your freedom to choose.
Friends do not look for ways to make eachother wrong. Friends choose to encourage each other no matter what and are inspired by each other’s choices. Tip #10 to growing friendship in love is encouragement. Encourage each other, even when you are scared or uncertain, friends always encourage each other to never give up.
And value friendship in your love life. The more you value the gift of friendship and what you love about having friends, the richer your friendships become. However, be careful not to turn valuing friendship into being controlled by your friendships or relationship. We can be easily controlled if we make anyone or anything more valuable than ourselves.
Friends, lovers, others, they are wonderful gifts and we can receive so much when we are connected to each other, but you are a gift too, and sometimes we can be so dazzled by others, that we stop valuing ourselves. Or trusting our choices. Trust you, what you know and that when you feel yourself making anyone more significant than you, that your friends and lovers are choosing you because of your greatness, and you are a gift to them!
