Emotions distract us from letting things move toward the future we desire. They keep us from choosing to have a greater relationship and love life than we ever thought possible because we have to stay focused on the past if we allow the emotions to control us. Is the past actually real? Or are our feelings about the past, are they actually relevant to the future we desire?
Another amazing, and for me life-changing question for every relationship in my life, is: what is right about this I am not getting? What is right about them I am not acknowledging? Or me? What is great about breaking up even if I don’t really want to? And what was not working for me that I haven’t wanted to admit because I thought I wanted the relationship to work?
What if you had no reference points to past heartbreak? What would you choose if it wasn’t based on the past or based on any emotion? What would you choose if you were choosing to have fun? Or to have a relationship that no one has seen on the planet? If you were never distracted by what you think you should feel, what could you discover about your true desires?
And a lot of us get stuck in the past and let life pass us by. No matter how many hours you devote to resenting the past, that resentment does not give you anything but more pain. We also seem to be so sure that if something was emotionally painful, it must mean that we got hurt and we should stop whatever we are doing and suffer. And every breakup equals a failure.
Is that true? If so then every relationship is a failure because we all break each other’s hearts at some point, whether you officially break up the relationship or not. Ask any person who is married if their spouse has ever broken their heart! Probably more than once. What if heartbreak is part of the deal? And what would change if we celebrated instead of grieved the end of what a relationship was once, instead of killing what it was and could be?
And I am not talking about putting a positive spin on the past to force yourself past heartbreak. This is not “look on the bright side.” What I am wondering is that if every relationship includes some heartbreak, why not acknowledge it and even welcome it as it comes? So that we not only avoid being stuck in our feelings, we can also allow ourselves to learn from every relationship, and continue to choose greater relationships. And not cut ourselves off from the people in our lives, even if they choose to separate themselves from us for any reason.
You can continue to enjoy and even love anyone you choose to. What if we do not actually have to lose the gift that someone is, even if they are physically separate from you? Or when you are in a relationship and are physically together but feel like you are drifting apart, what can you choose to continue to receive from that person or from the joy that the relationship once was? What if there is not actually end, but only transformation into new possibilities?
And what future is possible because of each heartbreak? How many amazing people might be on the way once a relationship has changed? How many first kisses and orgasms could show up as you let go of your emotions of the past? And remember, we are not letting go of the past altogether, we are only releasing what emotions we are holding onto that we have either accurately or erroneously connected to the past. Which for me, is such a gift because I can continue to enjoy each and every relationship and what I learned and now know.
And I let that inspire me because I KNOW, that if I had that once, that joy and lust, and sparkles and butterflies, that I can have it again and again. I KNOW that if that relationship that hurt so bad to lose was possible once, it is absolutely possible again. I also know that we are here to grow and have more, not just maintain relationships that are ok or comfortable. And that the pain is worth the pleasure.
I have had my heart broken a few times and when my father died I thought I would never stop feeling total despair and grief. And in that same moment, literally the moment I knew he had died, I suddenly knew it was time for me to go be with Paul, who was not even my boyfriend at the time but is now my husband.
And as much as I would love my dad to play with and hug his grandsons, I know that they would not even be here if he had not had passed. And every single thing that has shown up in my life since that moment, would have not shown up, at least in the same way, or I would have just not even seen it if I had decided I needed to stop everything because I was too sad. What future is possible thanks to the heartbreak?
And what if love is a choice that we always have available to us? Even if someone dies? Or we get a divorce? Do we actually have to lose each other? Or lose the joy, laughter and happiness we received during our time together? And this is much more than having a happy memory of the past that you hold onto but never let yourself have again in the present. What if whatever we love and adore about each other is something that we also have in ourselves?
Was it just the other person that we loved, or something they brought out in us or inspired us to be more of? And if we allow ourselves to have the true joy of living, loving, and heartbreak, what would we immediately be able to create and enjoy? What else is possible that you have never considered?
Love is a choice and is always available, what if you didn’t have to heal your heart to choose to love and be loved? Now that being said, as great as it sounds to choose to love and be loved no matter what pain comes along, that might start off as extremely challenging and strange to unwind and untangle ourselves from the distraction of emotions.
Questions! Questions! Questions! Questions are a magical key to letting go of or having more of anything!
Is this mine?
What is true for me?
How does it get any better than this?
What else is possible?
What would I choose if I could choose anything?
And when these delicious questions do not totally pull you away from your doubts, fears, jealousy… take a deep breath, and practice one of the most amazing tools on the planet, and again has completely changed my life, especially my marriage… I will never not be grateful for this and I first read about it in a wonderful book called Being You, Changing the World by Dr. Dain Heer, which is Interesting Point of View, I have this Point of View…
Interesting point of view, I have this point of view about relationships. Interesting point of view, I have this point of view on love, interesting point of view, he has this point of view about our relationship, ipov I have this point of view about our relationship, interesting point of view, you have this point of view, interesting point of view, I have this point of view, Interesting point of view….
And I am not going to explain that much, please play with it and see what you notice changes for you.
Thank you SO much.
