What if you could commit to listening and being present with the people in your life, and then ask questions so you can consider what you know? And keep asking who does it belong to? Who does this belong to? Who does this belong to? Every time you are sure about something or think you found the perfect guy, keep asking, is this true for me? Who does this belong to?
One of our most common bought beliefs that causes so many of us to stumble on the road to love, is that we NEED love or we need relationships. When we try to create something because we have decided we need it, we become needy and pushy, which pushes people away. Needing does not work in loving someone, if you need something to be okay, that is up to you to take care of on your own. Believing you need someone else to be okay, is simply a lie you will never be able to make real and true. It’s also much more fun to choose relationships just because you can not because you need them.
Okay, so now that we have some tips on knowing what we are not looking for, how do you know what is true for you? As you continue to ask, “who does this belong to? You can also begin to ask, what is true for me? And really emphasize the word ME. Me. Me. What is true for ME? Do I truly desire a relationship? Am I looking for someone who is going to add more to my life? Or to make me the answer to their life? What would a fun relationship be like for me?
Instead of trying to get the right relationship or a relationship to at least make you feel less wrong and alone, what if you chose by following the pleasure? And would you be willing to stop giving up pleasure in favor of judgment? It’s not a big mystery that pleasure, especially sexual pleasure, is the most judgeable offense. How many kids feel guilty when they masturbate? And I know a lot of people who registered for this class are not Americans so I hope the judgments against sex are not as severe where you are, but most of the world watches American movies and American pornography and that is unfortunaley where many of us fall into insane points of view about what sex, love and relationships are supposed to be.
And maybe take a look at whatever you have decided love or relationship is supposed to be like, where did you learn that? Is that really true? Defining love at all is confining your life and relationships to being one thing in a sea of possibilities. We think if we define and narrow our choices, settle down and get married, that means we are going to have a secure future or finally figure out the key to happiness. Of course now more than ever, most people on the earth are under a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety.
Relationships are ending or surviving on maintenance mode but there are also many new relationships forming and I think this past year has given a lot of people clarity on what isn’t working in their relationships. To also have clarity of what you desire, it’s time to look at creating beyond whatever you have decided you can or cannot have.
This is where the fun begins! What would be fun for you? Who would be fun to play with? If you could ask for anything to show up, what would I ask for that I would actually be willing to have in my life? And what do you know you desire that you have been hiding from yourself? Is there someone you avoid that you would like to be close with? What if you were allowed to follow the pleasure and choose whatever and whoever is the most fun for you?
Would that actually be fun or would it be too scary? Too uncertain? Irresponsible? Bad? And be ready for those judgments to keep coming up but instead of going back into hiding or making yourself small and quiet, pause, relax and do not let those judgments stop you. Turn again toward the pleasure and fun, and trust that you know those judgments are not true or relevant. In fact, please remember that anyone you think is judging you is actually judging themselves. And no matter what you do but especially when you are willing to be or have something greater, people will attempt to stop and control you with judgment.
Do you trust their judgments or do you trust YOU? This is crucial because you are the only person who knows what is true for you, what works for you, what you truly desire… and if we give our knowing up to anyone else, we are destroying ourselves and denying our lives to be phenomenal. You can only trust yourself to know you. You can trust other people to know and choose for themselves, you can trust that many of them will judge you, you can trust that your partner will often attempt to make you wrong so they can control you. Are you here to be controlled to fit it and make others happy? Or are you here to be brilliant beyond anything you have ever seen? What could your trust in knowing you inspire and empower in others to know for them?
You can also trust that the greatest moments, people, loves of your life, will never show up the way you expect. So the sooner you can let go of trying to control your relationship or life with expectations, projections or any needs for things to be a certain way, the more you will be surprised and overjoyed with what and who does show up when you trust you to choose for you. We have to give up knowing exactly how it’s going to show up.
CHOICE. Do you trust your choices? Do you trust that it is actually your choices that are creating your entire life, every relationship, every heartbreak? Or are you convinced that life is happening to you?
We choose. We choose to love, we choose who we love, we choose how much love we receive. We choose everything. What would you like to choose? And now? And now what will you choose? Are you choosing toward the future you desire? Or are you choosing toward the decaying of your future?
Every choice creates something. You could choose to create a meal, a relationship, a lover, a boyfriend, a house, being alone… every ten seconds, you can choose whatever you like. Every time you choose, you also have more awareness, and more choices available!
If you feel stuck, that too is a choice, and what questions could you ask to start moving out of that stuckness? When you ask questions, with no judgments and conclusions attached to them, you will begin to know more and more what is true for you, what is vital to your happiness, and what you would like to choose. What else is possible? Another magical question. Who else is possible? If you could have anything, what would you ask for?
Asking questions actually changes what possibilities are available for you to choose. If you conclude that you have two choices, you have two choices. If you ask what else is possible, more choices pop up. Choosing by following the pleasure instead of trying to make the right choices, will create more pleasure and more possibilities, along with people to contribute to your life expanding.
Most of us will reject the infinite choice of possibilities in favor of getting the right relationship and finding the one? Are you waiting for the one? What if the one is a really nice story that someone made up? What if you are the one? Everyone else is someone to play or create with, to choose or not choose to love, believing in your one true love who will never hurt you and devote himself to only your love is not choosing what you desire.
A lot of us are waiting to be sure of our choices before we commit. We want to see what is waiting for us around the corner without walking around the corner to find out. This is something we usually learn quite young, be careful, get the answer right, beware of what or who is lurking around the corner. Be careful who you trust your heart with. And about a million lies and points of view that stick us in fear and doubt so that we never choose beyond what we are certain will not hurt us.
Is that working? Is playing it safe enough for you and is it really even keeping you safe?
Waiting to be sure is not acknowledging the possibilities that are singing to you. Do you hear them singing? What is calling out to you? Whispering only to you? Are those your desires? Letting you know to come chase them, because maybe, just maybe, they desire you too?
Thanks for your blog, nice to read. Do not stop.