20 Brilliant Questions to Ask Your Lover

Something tells me we will never run out of questions when it comes to love and I had SO much fun writing today’s list of 20 Brilliant Questions to Ask Your Lover! 

What brilliant questions do you ask your lover or lovers? Please message me, I would love to add to my list! Or do you ask questions? Questions are key and our best friends if we are smart enough to ask them. Questions lead the way in creating your life, including your relationship. You can also let judgment and lies lead the way, and create a super fun relationship that way! Questions will not create the same connection, love, or life together that anything else can create. What brilliant questions can you ask today? Lover or no lover?!

My #1 fave question of all time, so far, is how does it get any better than this? This question is so freaking amazing and really the only question you need!  So if you are already sick of listening to me you can take this question, ask it for everything and in every situation, and you are welcome! Asking how it gets better, is not only a question that invites something better to show up immediately, and not only is whatever shows up going to better than anything you could hope or pray for, even if you do not realize that at first, but this brilliant question is also an acknowledgement. And an acknowledgement is a brilliant choice!

Asking, how it gets better, acknowledges what you are grateful for while asking for more! If you acknowledge anything, you create more of it. Just like asking a question. So start paying attention to what you are acknowledging when you ask questions! The magic of how does it get better than this, is that you can ask it any moment of the day, in every situation, easy or complicated, joyful or devastating, how does it get any better than this? You could ask it after the best orgasm of your life or after the worst argument of your life, and without having to come up with a brilliant plan or any answers of how it gets better yourself! 

AND NEVER ANSWER HOW IT GETS BETTER IN YOUR HEAD! EVER. Pretty please with a cherry on top! Or don’t even bother asking questions if you are committed to your conclusions. When you decide you know how life or a person or a relationship needs to be better or conclude the way it could be better, like: well obviously it would be better if he got a high paying job, or it would be better if he changed, or if I lose weight…. STOP! Hit the breaks! When you answer the question with your judgments, you are repelling what you desire from showing up. Its telling the universe to fu** off and tremendously limiting what can show up. Just ask! 

What else is possible? Brilliant question #2 and really just as yummy as my favorite, a close second to how does it get any better than this? What else is possible? Asking this question is brilliant because no matter what is going on, no matter how awful you think it is, or the opposite, when you get everything you think you want and do not know what to choose next, what else is possible?  And I ask that question and immediately feel lighter and happier, as well as immediately begin perceiving possibilities sparkling in the air! Your lover is also a possibility and so is your relationship!

Brilliant question #3 Can we let go of all our definitions of love? Yes please! Do you even know what your definitions of love are? Or does your mind go blank? My mind honestly goes blank and then lands on whatever last romantic comedy I watched. In which case, I love Ryan Renolds!  So, what does love mean to you and are you willing to consider other points of view or are you sure your definition of love is true? Are you searching for someone who matches your definitions? Are you controlling your partner and scheduling date nights on Fridays, and a list of things to fix around the house, and forcing your relationship to match whatever you have decided, inherited, bought, taught…

And then ask your lover, *what does love mean to you? Or, if you are not using the l-word, what does a relationship mean to you? If you are going to spend time or share your space and life with someone, is it valuable for you to know what definitions are creating your relationship as it is? Or what definitions is this person going to base ALL of his choices on? This is simply crucial and will save you so much time and actually agony and pain if you STOP and actually ask this question to yourself and your lover. I will tell you, I was shocked at my partner’s answer. Which I might share on another podcast but I would like to focus on questions today!

Brilliant Question to Ask Your Lover #4 -If yesterday didn’t exist, what would we create today? YUMMY! What if yesterday and all of the conclusions you came to before you went to bed, were lost in a dream and you woke up to a totally new possibility? You could choose the person laying next to you, would they be fun to play with today? Would you choose to judge your body? Or would she be fun to play with today? You could ask your lover what they would like to create and listen to each word. You will feel so much closer and interested in each other!

A great follow up question, # 5 is probably my third most often asked question. How much fun can we have today? I will ask my children this question every day for the rest of their lives and it is remarkable how quickly they respond, “a lot MOM!” and even their friends now, “a lot” and I basically ask every kid I meet, how much fun can we have today? This is question is a great reminder that relationships are supposed to be fucking FUN! Right? Or no, it’s wrong! It’s wrong and naughty to have fun! Oh my gosh, I immediately think of one of my besties little Henny who is such a rascal and whenever we catch his parents asking why he is doing what he is doing, I ask him, is it because it’s more fun to be bad than it is to be good? And we laugh and we laugh.

Were you scolded and judged for having too much fun? Before you even began kissing boys or girls or boys and girls? Did you stop yourself? Did you stop others? I know this is starting to feel a bit heavy… but hopefully we can lighten up that feeling because believe me my friends you were never wrong about any of it. 

What if, without having to regret anything, and I mean ANYTHING, you could turn toward the pleasure? If that desire lands on someone who is not available to you, keep turning. And then turn again and again and what if every day, you turned toward your desires and actually chose them?! Or are you choosing around your desires?

This next one is fun and easy  and hopefully self explanatory , question #6: Would you like to make out? Oh! I just realized something! I meant this as a literal question to ask your lover because it’s cute and making out is fun and underrated but I also just realized of course this is a question you MUST ASK YOURSELF! 

I didn’t think I needed to talk more about this question but unfortunately I do because there are plenty of women and men who are in committed relationships with people they do not enjoy kissing or touching. This is upsetting to hear and say out loud, yes but it is very, very, very important to at least acknowledge and be brutally honest with yourself, if pleasure is important to you and what/who gives you pleasure. What if pleasure is the leader, not the secret? If you do not desire to kiss someone, what are you hoping to create as a relationship?

Okay question #7!  What is the future we desire to create together? Equally as important as enjoying touching each other, if you are going to be in a relationship or have a lover, what do you desire to create together? An affair? A friendship? A marriage? A family? A house? A song? A company? A garden? A future? Or, are you done creating together? It’s okay if you are! 

What are your deal breakers? Question #8! Woo-hoo! What are your deal breakers? Are they actually yours? Or do they belong to your mama? Or Nora Ephron? No, I know, Oprah’s! What are your deal breakers and keep asking: is this true for me? Or do you know what’s true for you and are willing to be completely clear with your lovers on what absolutely does not work for you? Never hide your deal breakers or expect someone to change for you. You also don’t have to defend them, if something doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you, and you probably want to know what your partners deal breakers are to make sure those work for you too! 

Question #9 What does honoring this relationship include? To honor yourself and your lover, means holding both of you in regard. And really this just means being considerate, not of their feelings but what you know based on the last question, works for them. What you might notice too is that some things that might not be a big deal to either of you personally, does not actually honor your relationship or better yet, the future you desire. What would you choose today if you were holding each other in regard? And if they do something that does not honor you, are you willing to let them know? Are you willing to hear where you are not honoring them?

Question #10 Do you know how grateful I am for you? Awww. Gratitude! I wonder if we would even need questions if we chose to be truly grateful. You need nothing else! Breathe in and acknowledge what you are grateful for, breathe out and say thank you to whatever/whoever that is and you will never need anything ever again!

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