Instead of proving our love, or avoiding our desires, what else is possible? Wow, ask that again and again again if it feels as good to you as it does to me: “If I don’t have to prove my love or avoid my desires, what else is possible?” So this is an amazing example of following what you know and then somehow stumbling upon this question that gifts you an opening into a completely different and often opposite point of view and freedom to wander in the garden of possibilities.
Possibilities! My favorite word, my favorite thing, do we live for anything more than the possibility of our desires actualizing? Especially in relationships but everywhere, nothing is separate. Which is why we shouldn’t call them relationships but possibilities!!!!! Oh my gosh, can you imagine waking up next to a possibility instead of a committed relationship with the weight of 50 years or lifetimes together on top of you?
What other questions can you ask when you are looking for words or explanations? Questions change our words into invitations instead of demands. Would you rather be with someone who invites you to possibilities or demands you prove you love them? Questions like, what else is possible we have never considered? How does it get any better than this? What is great about me/them/us that I have never acknowledged? How much fun can we have today? What’s not being said that I am ready to say? What brilliant question can I ask today?
“ If you do not have to prove your love or avoid your desires, what else is possible?”
No explanations! Be Mary Poppins and never explain anything! What if you look for the question instead of the explanations? I love my homegirls, sisters, primas… and I have searched alongside them to figure out why the fu** we are so divided from the men we love and desire to be one with? I don’t mean just sexually, we of course have a million points of vew separating us physically and sex comes with insanity sometimes, but for women who do not desire sex with men, are there men such as your father, friends, brothers that you do desire to be closer to and there are these weird barriers you cant explain. And we have barriers between us as women and men have their own weirdness between each other, but what if those barriers are keeping out some amazing friendships, orgasmic joy, and money, and possibilities?…
Looking for an explanation of why someone is a bitch to you or why your boyfriend ignores you, or why your parents got divorced, is never going to end with a satisfying explanation. You will never understand anyone. You might think you do, but what have you decided about understanding someone else’s motivations for choosing whatever they choose? Why does it have to mean something to you? Or about you? What if it has nothing to do with you? Is that our greatest fear, freedom to choose whatever we want and allowing our enjoyable others or possibilities as I now call them , to choose whatever they desire? And trust them to be ok without gracing them with our understanding.
You will never understand. It is much easier to stand under the trees and stars than under men and words. Listen to the word, understand, and think of yourself standing under your lover, standing under a hundred thousand feelings, or standing under your past and your ancestors stories…. What if there is nothing to understand, but so much of you to be? There is no explanation worth waiting for, there is no day worth missing to figure out the explanation to your problems. Words will never be enough to fill the silence of what’s not being said, would you rather watch the sunset, or explain it? There is so no freedom or joy and definitely no possibilities invited to the explanation party.
If you do not have a question, shut the fu** up. Take a deep breath and do not say a word. Listen and relax as much as possible, I promise the silence will not harm you. You might be more aware of those points of view you are avoiding, but those points of view cannot actually physically harm you unless you refuse to look at them and lock them into your body as pain. Keep turning toward them, and relax enough so you don’t have to push your barriers down but that they start to lower without force. You can also force them down if you need to or ask them to go down, like a dog that jumps on you named Barriers, barriers down, barriers down, barriers down…. Barriers down.
What if we do not need to fill the silence? Would you be vulnerable enough to be quiet? Even if your partner is loud, you can still be relaxed and quiet and see what that changes for the energy between you. What could come into the space of your relationship and your life, if you didn’t have to fill that space with noise? With explanations? With needs? Or judgments? What if with no words, you can listen to what you know instead of any distractions or nonsense? Could you imagine if your boyfriend didn’t need to entertain you with the right words and tell hilarious jokes to get your attention? What if we didn’t need to talk but could hear the quiet part loudly?
Save your words for when you know they are required. Be willing to say what needs to be said. Be willing to be quiet sometimes and not fill every silence with sound or proof of your love. Avoiding something is not the same thing as enjoying peace and quiet. Ask more questions to change everything and invite yourself and everyone else to totally different and thrilling beyond all of your wildest fantasies, flirt more and have more fun playing with your crush or special someone, listen to the words you say and own what you state, listen louder, let your partner know you hear them!
What’s not being said?
*bonus tool, power of acknowledgment
And remember, you can acknowledge what is not being said to yourself, which is simply admitting what you know is true, and that alone could set you or your relationship free! You don’t have to explain or justify or share what you acknowledge with your partner, unless you know it will create greater. You will always know. Always! Always!
What are you willing to claim, own, and acknowledge?
